A Past Not Left Behind

Since I started journaling, I’ve had some really interesting insights into my mind. This morning, waking up early (before 4am), I wrote again. Any thought that comes up is written down, no judgment, just a “stream of consciousness”. Today, I wrote about people that I cared for, deeply, in the past. And I realized: I’m so not over them. They are still with me in my thoughts, a lot. And I still miss them so much.

Usually, I wouldn’t allow myself to admit that. Burying these thoughts and emotions was a survival strategy. But now, what do I do? The past is gone, it isn’t coming back. And still, in the present, I still have thoughts like “I’m cutting my hair again, would they like it?”, “would they be proud of me now?” and “would they approve of my choices?”.

How can I mourn and then be done with it?

2 thoughts on “A Past Not Left Behind

  1. I suggest you bury your cut hair with words to your lost ones, in the ground far away.
    Or letting some hair go in the wind on a special day.
    A symbolic act speaks directly to the unconscious mind. Helps it to move on.

    Not that you care, but at least one total stranger does strongly approve you cutting your hair again.

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